I wrote a review for a class, but, after submitting, I realised that I could have written more on why the book particularly resonated with me. I did feel bad about it, but, only for like a minute or 2… I have learnt that there is no use crying over the past!
Now, in the book, Gilbert talks about herself as a creative. She talks about her journey with creativity. She talks about her family and how she first encountered creative living as a child! She talks about something that I have loved since I was young but allowed to elude me… writing! I love writing, but, because it was never a straight forward path to making money… or making good money, I was never encouraged to write, in fact, I was dissuaded and told to focus on something I was ‘good at’, the sciences! I focused on the sciences like I was told, but I have struggled with my identity ever since.
This afternoon, I found myself walking in a garden shop to clear my mind (Plants are my second love)! There were all these beautiful plants, beautiful pots and other beautiful creative elements that go in a garden. As I meditated and prayed, I asked myself “Why am I struggling to find joy in anything? Why do I feel like I need to constantly do hard things? What am I trying to prove? To whom? What do I really want to do?” And I found myself going back to the time when I knew I wanted to write… I was 10 years old at the time and I had researched and written an article on the war in Somalia and its effect on the children. I still remember what the article was about because after writing it, I found myself wondering how many people knew about what was happening in Somalia. I wanted to write about such things. I grew up on so many British authors, especially Enid Blyton, I wanted to write fiction. Fiction that I could relate to. Fiction that was based in my home country or in my continent. There were a lot of African writers that I loved as well, I wanted to do what they did, but I wanted to write about my country. I wanted people to know that there was more to Africa than West Africa and East Africa. But science…
Today I found myself thinking back to this and thinking about what Gilbert said about inspiration and creativity. I do not believe in magic, far from it. But, I believe that God is our inspiration and that he is the one who plants these sparks in us. They are not random. I have gone for so long without listening to him when he speaks to me about writing that I allowed fear to tell me that I cannot do it! Yes, the book also speaks about fear, about how we should not try to get rid of the fear but we should allow it to accompany us on this journey but not let it make any decisions. Fear is something I know very well. I have allowed it to make so many decisions for me that I do not know who I am or what I want outside fear. It ruled me for such a long time! But, now I done with fear. Done with wondering “What will people say? What if they hate my writing? What if they hate what I wrote?” This does not mean that people will not have something to say, or that they will not hate my writing, but, I will be doing something I love. I will be writing and at this point, it gives me joy so I am going to just dive in and write!
What is it that you like? What have you put away for so long that you seem to have lost yourself in the process? Want to join me as I go on this journey with fear? Want to join me as I start writing and living creatively? Send me a note and we can chat on how we can do this together!