I will be honest, I overthink everything! Not all the time, but most of the time. There are always so many options and so many possibilities and so many ways to do things. I get caught on trying to do things right and this makes me waste a lot of time sometimes.
Oh, and I am very open and honest as well. I know a lot of people are very guarded about what they say and who they say it to, I have my days, but generally I am a very open and honest person and it has come to bite me a lot of times, but I feel this is what makes me me. What makes us human. The ability to connect and engage openly without fear and without judgement.
Back to my opening line. I know I am not the only one who overthinks life and who overthinks everything. A lot of people do, if this was not true, there would be a whole lot of people out there doing all manner of amazing things. I have had conversations with a lot of amazing people (I meet a lot of amazing people by the way), who have shared so many amazing stories and amazing thoughts of what they like and what they would want to do. The first few times I listen and say nothing. Then I start asking questions. Questions like ‘Why are you not doing this?’, ‘What if you could do that, wouldn’t that just be awesome?’. There is usually no answer to questions. I think as people, we are generally dreamers, well, not generally, but we really are dreamers. All of us. There is no single person who does not have an amazing dream of what they would like to do if they could. It doesn’t matter how big or how small, it is a dream and a valid one at that.
Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash
We have taken to prioritising or sorting out our dreams in terms of financial gain instead of personal satisfaction. ‘Small’ dreams or dreams that don’t have much financial gain, but would really make us happy we put aside and pursue dreams that would bring in more money even if they make us miserable. I am not disputing the importance of money, it really does make the world go round. We need money to live and just survive and sometimes just to exist really. But, sometimes we our happiness really is more important than that expensive car that is giving you ulcers because it costs you so much just to keep in your garage or parked by the side of your house. That expensive house whose mortgage you can barely afford is not as enjoyable as a small cottage would be. We fill our lives with so many things that keep us in the credit cycle and that keep us working in jobs that make us miserable and that drain us. Is it worth it?
I read an article on IOL about a guy who left a job that paid R30K a month to be a chicken farmer making R3K a month. He talks about how much happy he is. I am not even going to go into his lifestyle, but rather his bravery in leaving behind all that ‘money’ for happiness, for a dream, for simplicity. How many of us would do that? Sooner rather than later?
I also have a dream, no, dreams, many of them that I sometimes feel really afraid when I think of them. Wondering how instead of doing one thing at a time towards my dreams. Calculating my debt instead of finding ways to get out of debt sooner so that I can start living my dreams and being truly happier. One day I will get there, one day I will also stop overthinking things and start working towards all my dreams.
For now though, I work on my overthinking. I work on simplifying my life. I work on simplifying my thoughts, on disentangling the many years of programming that have led me to a life of second guessing and overthinking. You can do that to. I don’t have answers for you, heck, I don’t have answers for myself, but I do know that I have a problem with overthinking things that I need to work on.
I guess that is really the first step right? Admitting that you have a problem. The second thing I am working on is identifying situations where I overthink and trying to see what would have happened to cause me to overthink. Even as I am typing this I am thinking that simplifying things is the best thing to do and I can only do that by slowing down. Start being present. Now! That is all I really have. Yes, the future is important, but it is not here now is it? And I have no clue what it brings. I may not even be in that future that I am overly concerned about so why worry about it?
Easier said than done I know, but, for now, I am going to start living for now rather than overly worrying about tomorrow. Like the song says ‘Tomorrow is not promised.’