Karabo Jhamba

August is Women’s Month in South Africa. 9th August is celebrated as women’s day. A whole day to women. Real women, a real woman. That is something I have heard so many times. I think as a child I was so eager to please, so eager to be respectful, to hear the words ‘Ke ngwana wa ga mang?’ Be asked in a positive wow way rather than in a disapproving way. ‘O mosadi tota’! What does that even mean? What makes one ‘mosadi tota’? ‘Mosadi gare ga basadi’. What about the other women? Are they not real women? What is a real woman? Who is not a real woman? What makes one a real woman and the other not a real woman?

What makes a woman worthy?

Is it getting an education?

Is it her dowry?

Is it getting married?

Is it giving birth vaginally to children?

Is it raising children who are obedient and who grow up to be presidents?

Who decides a woman is worthy?

Is it her parents?

Is it her brothers?

Is it her uncles?

Is it her boyfriends?

Is it her husband?

Is it her children?

None of these make one worthy, they do not make you a real woman. You are born a woman. Woman is a gender. Woman is who you are, because you are, not because you have a checklist.

Single, without children…. You are a woman

Single, with children…. You are a woman

Married with children…. You are a woman

Married, without children…. You are a woman

Educated, Uneducated,

Vaginal Birth, C-section,

Adopted children, biological children

You are a woman, a real woman!

I am tired, tired of my worth being dictated to me by someone who is not me. Yes, I said it. Anyone other than you, even another woman cannot dictate and tell you what you are worth or what makes you worthy. They cannot tell you that you are not woman enough. God made you a woman. Only he can tell you what he wants you to be and do.

Beautiful, soulful, loud, quiet, extra, shy, loving, deep, caring, hardworking, lazy, tender, kind. That and much more. You don’t need anyone to tell you how to be a woman, real or not. You woman enough just the way You are.