Keep the fire burning!
It is the beginning of the year and boy are we all not raving about goals and resolutions! Don’t get me wrong, I am not hating. I have a list of my own goals that I want to achieve this year. I actually don’t remember making any new year goals for 2017. I think I was burnt out from a hectic 2016. In 2017 I just wanted to live and live fully. I lived, but I don’t think I lived fully.
Well, it only came to me recently that the bulk of the things that I do I do because it is expected of me by others. Not that it is a bad thing, but I need to do more things for me. One wise woman of God said to me, ‘Karabo, don’t get too caught up taking care of your family that you forget to take care of yourself.’ I smiled, agreeing that I would never do that while deep down I knew that that was what was happening. I did not live for me, I lived for everyone but me.
I registered for the Bay to Bay while thinking I would not be able to train because I was so busy. And truth be told, I wasn’t training or making any effort to train. Until there was only 2 weeks left and then I started to panic. My initial panic was that I would not make the cut off time. That led to what would my friends think. Which led to maybe I shouldn’t bother. Which led to I would feel like such a failure either way. So I woke up early one day and instead of going back to sleep or reaching for my phone as I usually do, I put baby back in his cot (hubby was away), quickly looked for my running kit and out I went.
I do not have to tell you how painful it was. And I kept seeing myself coming last at the race. Interestingly, I felt good throughout the day. I wasn’t in as much pain (I walked more than run). I couldn’t go out again the following morning, but now I knew there was a bit more time in the mornings to squeeze in a 30 minute run. The following mornings I was able to go out again and the feelings of despair also started disappearing. When I found myself pushing too hard, I would ask myself ‘Why am I trying to kill myself?’. Though I wasn’t really killing myself, the question helped because the one thing that kept me from quitting was me saying to myself ‘This is my race, this is my pace, this is for me!’. That is what wakes me up in the mornings. Knowing that I am doing something I like, for myself.
This is for me, not you, not my parents, not my husband, not my kids and definitely not my friends. This is all for me! Only I know where I want to be at the end of the year and only I know how to get myself there. No one can take you from point A to Z. You have to want to do it for it to have any real meaning and you have to do it for yourself. There is no fire when you are doing things for others and not yourself. Only flames, the fires are not yours, they are other peoples. You need to start or rekindle your own fire. Fan it up! Let it grow big, bold and hot. Then and only then will you be able to do anything that is enjoyable and meaningful to you. Once you have your fire, the flames will also warm those around you and you will be able to do more with your life and for your life.
I did not win Bay to Bay (that was not the goal), I did not come last, but I entered and started the race feeling excited, rejuvenated and looking forward to the challenge. It was not about anyone there but me. I am now on the path to creating a life for me by me that I am in love with.
As you continue to set and achieve your goals throughout the year, remember your fire. Don’t let it die out as you run around taking care of everyone. You need to run on your own fire if you are going to do this for long.
If you need help rekindling your fire drop me an email and we can’t talk about how we can spark that fire.